Contemplation
by anime girlie10
Summary: Contemplations from a certain psychotic disembodied voice.


**A.N: I know I should be smacked for posting this before the next chapter of Redemption but I AM working on it. Chaos just insisted he be first. He's pushy damn it! **

**Contemplation**

_Vincent screamed fighting to contain the violent beast that tried to tear through to the surface once again. His vision blurred and his head throbbed as his body, lacking the controlling unit, could no longer fight._

I growled shaking my head and cringing once again trying to push out these pointless thoughts. There was no reason to dwell, I of all people knew the past was the past or so they said. Especially when said bad past wasn't necessarily your fault. A good example being psychotic people with bad accents and no fashion sense stealing useful bits of yourself.

All right, so maybe a naturally violent nature and short temper are slightly my fault. Just slightly though. Ok, so self denial is about as useful as wasteful contemplation but you know what, it makes me feel better.

Whether I wanted to admit it or not I knew that those memories still haunted me. Vincent in pain and hating me with every fiber of his being is not fun, though there was no way on Gaia I could blame him. I would hate me too. Who wants a disembodied voice floating around in there head occasionally rearing up to cause fangs and hair to grow out of their body? Ok, so there are probably people who would but they have mental issues. For an emo failure, Vincent is still not the kind of person that I wanted to hate me. For one I have to live with him and for two, well, who can spend over forty years confined in someone's body and not have some kind of connection?

Confined. Yes that would be an accurate way to describe it. Before, things made sense. I had my job and I did it. Then, as usual, scientist had to stick their nose where it didn't belong and I ended up trapped in some human host who was pining over a lost love. To make things even better, the host wasn't even one of those humans easily manipulated. It was one of those humans who you want to strangle because they hold on to things like morals and beliefs with a stranglehold. Not that I really even had a problem with most morals. I see nothing wrong with 'not eating the innocent', or 'doing the right thing'. It just seemed our methods for sustaining these morals were slightly different. Even more beneficial to an already wonderful situation is that when I first arrived in Vincent's body I was probably more confused than he was. No time for cordial greetings such as, "Hello, I apparently will be occupying your body for a time. It's good to meet you, lovely weather we're having!"

Yes being in Vincent's body had proven to be more long sustained and complicated then I previously believed. Between his constant resistance to my intervention and 'sleeping' like a damn bear for decades, complicated might not be the right word. Traveling to find that longhaired swordsman wasn't so bad. At least it was never boring. That and seeing Vincent try to properly function whilst amongst more of his own species was, amusing. Social etiquette is defiantly not his forte. That and it gave me the opportunity to battle occasionally. Good stress relief you know. These 'relationships' he had started to build though brought something to my attention. Something I'd really rather have been left oblivious too. I didn't know how long Vincent would live. Being the "emo vampire" and all it could be quite a while. How long could I stand to be in a host that hated me with no contact to the outside world?

One initial benefit to being human is that I don't deal with all of the same emotions humans do for the same reasons. Loneliness is not something that would normally be an issue for my kind. The occasional socializing would suffice ,and then, unless there was actually a particular company I enjoyed I could go along my merry way. Now though, it wasn't weeks of solitude looming in front of me, but years. Not that I blamed Vincent for this really. Like I said before it's an understandable feeling to hate something like me. Me invading his privacy is the least of his worries I'm sure. That doesn't mean I don't wish it were different.

Being connected to Vincent the way I am is like having a brother, one that hates my guts and wants me dead. Not pleasant. To make things worse it seems no matter what I do or say things only seem to get worse. The only way my host and I were ever going to get along where if the asshole were to take a minute and think, "Oh, maybe this thing in me is more than just a curse on my condemned soul!", and yes, I am making fun of his emo-ness. I don't know how to deal with these humans personally, and there's no way Vincent and I can ever hope to understand each other. I'm a psychotic disembodied voice and 'troubled' doesn't even begin to cover Vincent's issues. He can barely communicate to his own species, hell, he can barely communicate to himself!

Then again I could understand a humans unwillingness to understand. Understanding meant acceptance, and acceptance could mean accepting things that don't want to be accepted. It was understanding this feeling of loneliness and accepting there is nothing I can do about it that got me into this shitty ass mood in the first place. Gotta love karma. Actually, scratch that. Karma is a bitch, figuratively and literally.

I was drawn from my thoughts by a rare flare of amusement from Vincent's mind. It was no surprise that flare was due to the spiky haired "hero" of the group. He's all right I suppose, for someone who's hair looks like the back end of a chocobo. Apparently, the tall loud one with dark skin was yelling and waving his gun around while telling some story of some airship battle that had taken place on the sailors ship. The two young ones, Denzel and Marlene I believe, where listening wide-eyed and leaning on the edge of their seats. Everyone else in the room, which comprised of many of the ones who had helped fight the silver haired man, looked more than skeptical. Chocobo head had looked at Vincent with an expression that clearly read, "This man is a god damn idiot and he's going to shot one of us at this rate if someone doesn't stop him." Not that I doubted my host or the chocobo headed man either one would mind being the one to "stop" him. On a normal occasion I would have made some smartass comment that was bad ass enough to befit me, but I wasn't in the mood. Shitty ass moods do not leave room for random smartass comments.

Vincent's attention was then drawn elsewhere in the room. The tall one with the gun arm had apparently made comment to the little ninja's inability to hold the contents of her stomach during flight. Needless to say, other members of the group were now trying to prevent her from planting a very big sharp round object in a very unpleasant place on the gunman. Another flash of amusement was present with my host but there was also something else. Something I had began to notice after the events with deep ground. Some odd human notion, "Love" I believe they call it. Well, that would be interesting. The emo vampire in love. Hehe someone should right a book about that one.

Then again, there may be some truth to the statement. I noticed his gaze linger longer than it would have normally. Perhaps, if love was possible, so was the possibility of my situation being less bleak than I believed. The sudden attention I was paying to what was going on did not go unnoticed by Vincent. Immediately he tensed expecting some outburst on my part that would cause him to have to, once again, leave the presence of his friends. I could feel confusion sweep through his mind when I made no move. Then, slowly but surely, he once again relaxed. No, things weren't going to be smooth sailing, even with most of the psychopaths taken care of. Well, the ones not already in Avalanche. There seemed though to still be a light at the end of the tunnel, and not the kind that leads to an untimely end….hopefully. I would just have to wait and see, but at least it might not be as long of a wait as I thought.

**A.N: Yay it's done! You know this was supposed to be a lot shorter than this……. Leave it to Chaos to run away with you. I mostly wanted to post this because I noticed a severe lack of Chas based fanfiction. Almost nobody writes anything! Well I'll get off my soapbox and catch you all later. And I promise. I will post the next damn chapter of Redemption today if it's the last thing I do!**


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